Release guilt

Do you want to feel happier? Are you willing to do what it takes to be happier? If you are, then start releasing guilt. Let it go. Learn to release it.

Here, the words guilt and feeling guilty aren’t legal or technical. They simply mean blaming yourself for something that has already happened, regardless of whether you’re actually responsible, or even whether you were there.

The human condition

We have so many ways of blaming ourselves and feelings badly. We blame ourselves for things we did or didn’t do, and for things we said or didn’t say.

Some of us even blame ourselves for things that we know aren’t our fault. For example, how many children blame themselves for their parents’ divorce or anything else that happened at home? How many continue to do so even after reaching adulthood and learning that it’s not their fault? The may know, intellectually or logically, it’s not their fault, but they still feel or believe it’s their fault.

It’s not your fault because hurt feelings you experienced, witnessed, or even caused come from fear, which leads to insecurity or even anger on one or both sides. They don’t reflect either or both people’s true selves. There wasn’t anything wrong with you. We’ll talk about this more in future posts. But in any case:

The human condition has made the urge to blame very strong.

But what happens when we blame ourselves? Have we often or ever felt better from blaming ourselves? Not from my experience.

Feeling worse seems to be the only result of self-blaming. Feeling worse is the opposite of your desire of becoming happier.

If guilty feelings come from blaming ourselves, and self-blame seems to always make us feel worse, the why do we keep doing the thing that makes us feel worse? Remember that:

We are the thinkers of our thoughts. No one else can think them. Blame is a thought. So we, not the external world, generated the blame. This self-generated action always seems to make us feeling worse.

How can we become happier by doing something that always makes us feel worse? If you choose to be happy, and you commit to do what it takes to be happy, then you must try blaming yourself less.

The futility of self loathing

Plus, blaming ourselves and feeling worse about the past does nothing to improve the situation.

When we blame, we judge ourselves harshly now for something that happened before. What happened can’t be changed. Only our feeling about it can.

Our feelings about, and understanding of, the past are the only things that we can change about the past.

So blaming ourselves seems to be a total waste of time too! The act of blaming not only makes us feel worse but also wastes the time and energy spent on blaming!

Why keep doing something like that?

Do this instead:

What if we blame ourselves less, and use the freed up time and energy to do something to improve things in the future?

Falling out with a lifelong friend because of a big argument and the things you both said? Accept the fallout. Blame yourself less for the things you said. Now you know that blaming can only make you feel worse.

Blaming won’t take those words back. Blaming yourself takes time and energy away from making things right, from simply relaxing, and otherwise enjoying life. Blaming is a waste of time. Why do something that’s a waste of time?

Instead of blaming, think about what can you do now or in the future to repair or resurrect your friendship. The only thing we can change about the past is our feelings about the past. But we can do things now and in the future to make things better. Neither of you can take back what was said. But you can stop blaming yourself for what you said, apologize and do things differently in the future if needed, and start forgiving your friend for what he or she said.

And if there’s nothing to be done about that situation or relationship, then think about how you can improve other situations or relationships. Indeed, it’s better to do almost anything else. Even doing nothing is better than blaming ourselves and feeling guilty.