Who are the inner children

Healer and author Terrence Real wrote about our inner “wounded child”, “adaptive child”, and “natural child”. Who are they?

The wounded child and adaptive child for me are repetitive thought patterns and automatic reactions that stem from unreleased energy created by traumatic experiences.

Frozen thoughts born from memories that no one asked for or wanted.

They repeat because they’re frozen.

To free ourselves, they need to be thawed.

To heal, one must pay attention to the wounded and adaptive children – these frozen and stuck thought patterns. To see them, and to understand how they think when situations, i.e., “triggers” arise.

They generate reactivities in our lives. I see it now. I overreact to something, even today, when my inner children — deep memories and thought patterns — are activated. They are scared and they protect themselves, they might even fight back when they feel endangered.

Remember they are thoughts of a small child experiencing trauma.

They don’t have the life experience of an adult, to think logically. They only know what a small child knew up to that point. That’s why their fears are disproportionate to reality today, why they are often more sensitive and reactive.

They are deeply ingrained thought patterns born from traumatic events. From memory.

If we don’t watch them closely, they can and will take over in unhelpful ways even if they are trying to help.

Unwatched, they still run our emotions and act out in ways that no longer serve us. And often hurt us and others. But it’s not their fault. Don’t blame them. Don’t judge them.

Grievances, thoughts of them. Like “how dare they treat me this way”? These are disturbances generated from recurring thought patterns stemming from unreleased energies of the past.

And we have to watch them not just when triggers arise, but in general. They may be making fundamental choices in our lives.

We must connect with these different parts (memories) of ourselves, get to know them, accept them, love and protect them. Stop criticising, feeling ashamed, and ignoring them. And learn that we are the first responsible person for our own inner children and ultimate happiness.